but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
