I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
