Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
