i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
