Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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