idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
