wrigley field is MILF paradise
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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