The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
