After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
