Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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