The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize