Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
