I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
