New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
