the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
