i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
