DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
