Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
