There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
