it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
