After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
