dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
