You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
