Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
