did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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