Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
