Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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