in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
