I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
