Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
