Dual....:-)
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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