i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
