Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
