It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
