My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
