It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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