Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
