I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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