Will you blow on my dice?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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