i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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