Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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