I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
