my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize