I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
