She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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