Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
