i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
