I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
