Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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