what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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