Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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