I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
