So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
FUCK WHALES
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
