I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
