we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
