Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
