cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
