Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
