That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
