The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she smelled like a LAN party
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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