Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
