The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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