I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
