ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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