i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
